Hello, Spongy here. And Welcome back to Toon’d out month!
Last time I teased I would review Michael Bay’s Transformers movie. Yeah, I was going to…but then I decided to save that for later. It’s heavily requested and for a film like that I need to prepare a bit more. And I just didn’t feel like reviewing it just yet. Don’t worry Bay, your time will be coming.
So yeah, instead I shall review a completely different film!
This one is based right on a cartoon. One I like, no less. So is this a good adaptation, or another bad one? Well this movie actually has mixed reactions so I have to…MAKE MY OWN OPIOIN!
AHHHH!
…This is The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle
The movie starts with me finding out this is the 2nd Universal film I’ve seen this month. The first being cat in the hat. Not a good sign
The film begins with…a history lesson. Damn it.
The narrator tells us that 1964 saw the cancellation of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show and since then the life of our heroes has gone down the shitter
Oh yes, I failed to mention this is not a straight up live action adapatation. This is a giant 4th wall break where our cartoon friends know they are cartoons and …well you’ll see later. For now, I find it pretty amusing.
“While the narrator, that’s me, was down on his luck and forced to live with his mother, and revealed to be narrating the events of his own life”
“Oh sonny, shut up!”
…Holy shit, not 5 minutes in and I already found a funny joke!
PRAISE THE LORD!
Rocky (voiced by the original actor) and Bullwinkle (voiced by Keith scott, who is also the narrator) are of course, depressed they don’t get much fame any more.
“All this exposition is wearing me out”
…
Movie, stop being funny. I’m supposed to hate you!
. Meanwhile, their enemies, Fearless Leader, Boris Badenov, and Natasha Fatale lose power over Pottsylvania. So they decide to dig all the way….TO THE REAL WORLD.
(Dun dun dun)
Yes, we finally cut to the live action portion of our film. In fact, we cut to Hollywood, where see a chick looking at movie scripts
“Too intelligent”
That about sums up Hollywood right there.
So our villains contact the chick to sign a contract giving her rights to the show.
“I can’t sign a contract that will help three villains take over the world”
Of course?
She reaches into the TV (don’t ask) to sign the contract but somehow, the villains are pulled into the real word, and are now in live action form.
Let’s go through our cast now.
Fearless leader is now Robert de niro. Sure why not.
Rene Russo is Natashal. And Boris is Jason Alexander. Wut. Did I mention Jason APOLGIOZED for this movie after Rene got a RAZZIE nomination?
The villains run off into the real world leaving that chick behind. We cut back to the cartoon world where Bullwinkle is heading off.
“I’m off to the speak to the president about the trees”
You could always talk to the lorax, If he’s not busy advertising a Mazda.
We cut to the real world president, 6 months later, where he is told Fearless leader is buying out all the TV channels to make one big one, RBTV.,
“Also known as Really Bad TV. It will turn anyone watching into a mindless zombie incapable of thought”
...MTV?
...MTV?
So an FBI agent is sent to get Rocky And Bullwinkle so they can defeat the villains and save the world.
But first she must get them out of re-runs, so she must get their movie green lit. And she goes to…a lighthouse that literally green lights movies.
I imagine this is how most movies are green lit
This works and our heroes ,…and the narrator, are brought into the real world. Now they are CGI, which is pretty decent for the time.
After some ….funny jokes about the characters getting used to the real world, they head off with Karen (the agent’s name) to stop the evil villains.
Speaking of them we cut to their HQ as they are making awful shows for their plan, and so far it seems to be working.
However, they hear abour R and B and decide they must get rid of them.
“There has never been a way to destroy a cartoon character until now”
“But what about that movie roger rabbit?”
“Shut up, this is totally different!”
….
Guys, I’m worried. So this movie is actually…GOOD. What the hell?!
Let’s move on and see if it gets shitty. So they have this machine to destroy cartoons
“You just type in an address and send them where all worthless stuff ends up…the internet”
That sounds about right.
We cut back to our heroes as they are still on the road. But boris and Natasha catch up to them and start their usual evil antics.
But with some classic good cartoon jokes they trick the bad guys and grand theft auto their truck.
So they contact Robert de niro and he says this after they stutter a bit.
“Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?”
YAY OUR FIRST LAME JOKE!
Thank god, I thought this might be good after about 26 minutes of funny-ness. Whew!
“Catch them, and next time, use the CDI”
They must be tortured with crappy Zelda games! So they head along to get them, while our narrator does his thing.
“If only we had a helicopter”
“But since they were in the desert, they had little chance of finding one!”
“Hey look, a helicopter!”
“Damn, nevermind”
…movie, stop being funny. You are a live action adaptaion. So thus, you must suck!
Things seem fine for our heroes, but Karen is then arrested by the Oklahoma state police for stealing the truck when Natasha claims to be Karen.
Oh and the cop is played by john goodman. Neat.
“But she really is with the FBI!”
“Yeah, and I’m really john goodman”
Subtle.
Subtle.
“So heroes wandered through a ruthless live action landscape”
(Crow pops up)
“I thought this was Oklahoma”
“Would you like to narrate this movie?”
“…No”
We are 30 minutes in now. And this movie continues to be decent. I am still shocked.
But thankfully our heros are picked up by two helpful guys…played by Kenan thompson and kel Mitchel.
Kewl.
Boris and Natasha end up at the college Bullwinkle went to and make a large donation to the university in Bullwinkle's name. In return, the head of the university gives Bullwinkle an honorary "Mooster's Degree", and when bull shows up for his speech, they plan to zap him with the machine.
The gang head to the college for bull to get his degree, and kenan and kel talk to our heroes.
“We went into re-reruns!”
“That’s never gonna happen to us, right?”
Hindsight, you are so hilarious.
Bullwinle goes to do his speech, while boris climbs to the top of a water tower to zap him with the CDI.
Rocky recovers his lost ability to fly and saves the oblivious Bullwinkle, and boris being an idiot gets his plan stopped.
Kenan and kel give the two their car and they head off. Oh and Karen escapes prision in a scene I’ll just skip cuz it’s a little lame.
After a funny chase scene with our heroes and the two villains….which has a cameo by billy crystal, of all people, they continue off on their epic quest.
Wait, Billy Crystal and john goodman in one movie? Pfft, that would never happen again.
Wait, Billy Crystal and john goodman in one movie? Pfft, that would never happen again.
And by extreme luck, they bump into Karen…literally But the happiness is cut short when the law catches up with Karen.
So thus they are all put on trail and faced with …judge cameo….who is played by whoppi Goldberg
This movie has the weirdest, yet funniest casting ever.
After some amusing court jokes, the judge dismisses their case upon recognizing Rocky and Bullwinkle. I’d make a joke here but I have none.
After that, boris and Natasha give chase but our heros outrun them in a bi-plane they got from a Jonathon winters cameo.
I know I’m skipping a lot but with a movie I’m actually enjoying , there are things I can’t say anything about, so go watch the movie if you wanna see the chase scenes,.
Boris and Natasha consider quitting their evil occupations and getting married, but then Fearless Leader calls on the phone. Afraid to admit they failed, they lie to Fearless Leader that they killed Rocky and Bullwinkle
Meanwhile, the plane the heroes fly in is unable to fly with all three aboard. Rocky flies (yes he can fly now) Karen to New York City to stop Fearless Leader, while Bullwinkle flies the plane to Washington, D.C. and lands at the White House.
However, they have little time left,. As most of the US are already mindless slaves of the TV
I blame jersey shore.
Karen and rocky face off with the villains, but Robert turns the tv on and rocky gets zombified.
But Robert frees him anyway, making that pointless. Yea, he wants to make his evil speech, so the point was to make a joke. Okay, that’s fine.
He then puts them in a chair and even after Karen gets a slight awesome speech I shall skip for time, he prepares to turn them to vegetables….literally.
Bullwinkle heads to the white house, where he finds the head of the FBI. After some jokes, he faxes Bullwinkle (who is unaffected by the TV, and narrator points out how cheap It is) with his cartoon-ness, to the bad guys.
Bullwinkle joins his friends and have an epic battle while fearless sends his speech to the citizens of the US.
They are able to stop the broadcast, defeat Robert de niro and free the zombies, once and for all.
. Bullwinkle fiddles with the CDI and inadvertently zaps the villains back to their two-dimensional cartoon forms, and ultimately to the internet.
May 4 Chan have mercy of their souls.
So the day is saved, R and B are famous again, and Karen goes to a movie…which is the rocky and Bullwinkle movie so…
MOVIECEPTION
And most importantly of all…THE NARRATOR REUNITES WITH HIS MOMMA!
YAAAAAAAAAAY!
And thus, our movie ends.
Final Thoughts:
I’m still shocked. This movie was actually…pretty good! The idea is good, the actors do a great job, it stays true to the cartoon, and it’s quite funny and clever!
It’s aware this has been done, so it’s very tongue and cheek. . Kids will like, and I think adults will too. Sure Rotten tomatoes says it sucks, but Roger ebert liked it! So thus it’s good, as the opioin of one guy trumps a bunch of other guys!
To put it bluntly, it’s a lot of fun. It may have it’s lame points, but overall it’s a very fun adaptation. A rarity, to be sure.
So yeah, I liked it.
Grade: B+
You know, reviewing a movie of a jay word creation was fun. So let’s do a mini jay ward a thon for a bit!
Tune in next time when I review…
This one.
See ya.
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