Hello, Spongey here.
So let me tell you a bit of how I look at films.
To me, how I review a movie depends on what kind of movie it is. The genre, the target audience, and that kind of stuff. I think about who the movie is for, and what type it is before I say anything. This is so I can judge it on the merits of the type of movie the director was trying to make. What works in one genre obviously won’t work in another, so if I review a fantasy movie, I have to judge it on fantasy standards.
But it goes beyond genre. It stretches out to kinds as well. Such as comedy spoof films. The goal of those movie is to mock, or lampoon another work and they only seek to make you laugh. So I judge it on how funny it is and how it spoofs the work.
And today I review a movie in the most broad, yet most common type:
The cheesy “So bad it’s good” popcorn film.
This is the type of movie that has one goal: entertain you and make you have fun. They don’t care about deep stories or shit like that, they make the movie because they think the idea is kinda cool. They put characters because they are cool, and every element is there because it is cool.
I judge those movies on how fun they are, and how much I am entertained by it. I love cheesy movies to death. I laugh way more at these movies than I do most comedies nowadays.
So let’s look at a clear example of this type of movie.
This, is The Scorpion King
So this movie is a prequel to “The Mummy” movies. I haven’t seen them, but from I hear, it’s not needed. Oh, and this movie has a (Direct to Video) prequel...and a legit sequel came out last month .
So we have a sequel…to a prequel…to a prequel….to a remake of an really old movie.
My brain hurts.
Anyway, so here’s the basic story:
It is the year 5000 BC - or thereabouts. The anachronistic Greek general Memnon is out to, you guessed it, take over the world. which consists of African tribesmen, Amazons and the City of Gomorrah in improbably close conjunction. The leaders of the Free Peoples, including the chiefs of the aforesaid Africans and Amazons, hire the 'last of the Akkadians' a race of deadly assassins, (which would come as a surprise to Sargon of Akkadia) to kill not Memnon, but the evil sorcerer whose magic and prophecies are the ultimate source of his success.
One of the Akkadians is Mathayus, a man-mountain played by The Rock. One instantly intuits that the others are Red Shirts. Sure enough, the other ones, one of which is his half-brother, bite it early, leaving Mathayus to fight alone. Naturally, being the hero, Mathayus fights his way through hordes of Mooks to the sorcerer's tent. To Mathayus's surprise, but not the audience's, 'he' turns out to be a beautiful sorceress, played by the lovely Kelly Hu, who warns Mathayus that he's been betrayed. Oh and the bad guy uses her visions to help his evil plans and she doesn’t really like him that much.
After more stuff happens, The Rock, a sorceress, a comedy sidekick, and mad scientist team up to kill an evil guy
How has my life gotten to the point where that isn’t a strange sentence to me?
Anyway, as you can tell from that summary, this movie is cliché. There’s nothing original about it. But clearly, the filmmakers didn’t care. They just wanted to make a fun movie.
And it is awesome. - If the first five minutes of The Scorpion King do not have you in tears of laughter, you have no sense of humor. It’s hilarious, and action packed.
This movie was made as a action/comedy. That is a FACT. There are tons of one liners, some action bits have comedic sound effects, it feels like a parody at times.
Need more proof?
The director did the jim carrey film, The Mask.
Need I say more?
This movie will make you laugh and go “HOLY CRAP THAT WAS COOL” at the same time.
As for the actor’s…they ham it up and have tons of fun doing it.
The Rock is actually one of the stronger points in this movie. He’s funny, he’s good at stunts and he’s likable as fuck. He does good in cheesy action movies. i bet he’s gonna he a huge sta-
…fuck you Hollywood.
The other actors I don’t know the names of and I don’t care. They’re hamming and fun and that’s all that matters.
Oh, and there’s Kelly hu…
She’s nice.
But in all honesty, she is the only actor in this who takes it seriously and gives a legit serious good performance. And she does get the deadpan snarker on a few times. She and the rock do have okay chemistry,.
Oh, and because the rock’s character…has sex with her, I am filled with jealous rage. Oh, AND she’s half naked for most it. And in one scene she IS naked (with humorously covered up privates)
This movie was made for me.
This movie also has lots of fanservice. Several half naked chicks, and Kelly hu for guys, and shirtless The rock for the girls. So now it’s officially a cheesy 80’s movie that got lost in 2002.
Really, all I can say about this movie in the long run is that’s every cheesy action movie of this type rolled into one. But I will say that as cheesy movies go, this…doesn’t stand out too much,
It is a good “bad” movie, but it’s not plan 9 or anything. It’s a fun time, but not a great bad movie..If that makes sense. It’s an entertaining schlock fest, and that’s all.
I wrote this review for 2 reasons:
1. The Rock just came out with “Journey 2: The mysterious island” which is both a cheesy action movie AND a kids movie! Holy shit, he can do both well?! I hear it’s a cheesy fun. I might review it when it comes out on DVD.
2. Today….is Kelly hu’s birthday.
…That’s the main reason.\
I was gonna watch this movie to review it. Then I saw that the rock had a movie coming out. I was like
“God, you if you wanted me to watch that movie, you could of just asked!’
…e-yup.
I’ve run out of things to say.
If you want a light fun action film, the rock, or Kelly hu, I say check it out
GRADE: B.
And that’s on the cheesy movie scale, btw
This is spongey saying, i ran out of ideas for things to close out with!
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