16 Wishes

Looks like MY wish for a great Modern DCOM has been granted.

Hello, Spongey here.

I don’t need to bring up Disney in the 2000’s, do i?

Everyone knows Disney churns out crappy teen shows and movies.

But in the sea of crap, is there one that stands out…that isn’t lemonade mouth

Well let's  take a look at a recent one.

This, is 16 wishes

As the film opens, we are introduced to our main character, played by Debby Ryan. She has a name, but I’ll call her Debby. It’s her birthday, and the normal Disney problems are brought up. She’s 16 now and wants to be treated like an adult and yada yada. She has a brother, who is…a Disney brother. Not much to say.

He enters her room and fucks around.  She has this list of stuff she wants to happen, also known as her 16 wishes.

BROTHER: You/re crush is on the quarterback? How cliché.

…d-did that just happen?

Did a Disney film make fun of how cliché it can be?

IT’S A PRESIDENTS DAY MIRACLE!!!

So far it seems to be typical, but in a way that isn’t awful and as noted above, it’s self-aware.

Oh, and yes, we do have a bitchy popular girl. Why do you ask?

Her day starts out shitty, with her not having any good clothes, which isn’t as hot as it sounds, and being forced to take the bus when she has car issues.

Oh, and her house gets overrun by wasps from a nest in their attic that has been building up for 16 years...

Ouch.

A delivery truck pulls up, and Celeste (some magic chick) comes out dressed as a mail woman and gives a package to Abby. When Abby opens it, she discovers 16 candles and a matchbox. This grants her wishes, there’s an explanation, but i don’t know if I want to mention it.

Her first wish comes true, which was to meet a celebrity. She figures out this wish thing quickly, making her smarter than all Disney characters ever.

The magic chick just says her wishes will come true.

FRIEND: well that explains exactly nothing

Will this movie…be good?!

                                                        At this point, I have to bring up the Disney star this movie is trying to push: Debby Ryan. Unlike most before her, she TRIES and goes for a down to earth approach to her acting.

Also, she’s nice.

I must also mention the movie’s director, peter deluise. What was he done?

Most episode of RL stine’s the haunting hour.

Debby Ryan was  in one episode…not directod by him, but Peter is the main director for the show.

On top of that, Debby’s newest film, Radio rebel was written By someone who writes a lot of episodes of the haunting hour…INCLUDING DEBBY’S EPISODE.

Coincidence? I think NOT!

We get more wishes, more good lines, and of course, more amazing fan service.

Don’t look at me like that.

I can’t do my play by play thing too much since there’s too much to talk about, but I’ll try. Then there’s a girls volleyball game...

Damn it movie, stop giving me a boner!

(The game makes sense in context by the way)

Her friend jay reacts the way anyone would react. Let me paraphrase

“Dude, this shit is fucked"

The film acts typical but the lines and acting show it's not,  and thus they  try to spin a good story from a formula we all recognize. They also seem to be having a shit ton of fun especially Ryan. But that’s to be expected.

More wishes are made, and the way the other character react to all this is priceless, especially the teachers. But see the movie if you want to know what I mean.

The friend of course is pissed cuz she’s turning into someone she isn’t, but not in the way you expect. It’s less WAAAH YOU’RE A BITCH and more dude this shit is fucked.

They try to use some wishes to buy some stuff but the mean chick, which was following them, steals jay’s wallet. Bitch. . She also convinces the store clerk that they are not going to buy anything (saying they are children) and are just wasting her time. The clerk believes her and kicks them out.

After being kicked out for their young-ness, she decides to make the ultimate wish: to not be treated like a kid.

And this friends, and where it gets good.

(She also says her outfit is too tight…while pointing…to her…chest)

So the wish and granted and she can now do grown up stuff.

However, this wish changes reality. The entire school treats her like they don’t know her, she is viewed as strictly  an adult, and her friend ditches her due to the first reason, and she is kicked out of school. . Her parents also buy her a new apartment and leave her to live on her own.

During this entire segment, we watch her entire world crash down on her. No stupid jokes are made. It’s taken with the amount of seriou-nesss it should.

The movie slows down as her life gets shitty, and it suddenly gets…all sad.

She tries to get people to listen, and tell them she’s not an adult, but due to the wish, and her desire to be older, they think she is an adult.

…

I’m not crying, I’m just sweating through my eyes.

How did this this movie get so depressing? Why is the heart natural? Why is the acting good?!

WHY?!

She tries to change the wish (she has this list thingy) but to no avail. Celeste saysa  wish cannot be changed, and she still has to deal with her deep issues.

This is a DCOM, right?

She uses another wish, which is that her parents would understand her. She tries to explain why she wants to be treated as a teen, not an adult.

Her mother says that she is just letting her be what she wanted to be: independent. They understand her…but not in the way she wants.

Again, this is a TV Disney film, Why is so…not stupid?!

Abby goes to Krista's Sweet 16 and convinces Jay that they are best friends by showing him the birthday present he gave her which restores his memories of her, though, Jay can't help her. Awww…wait…can’t help her?

Damn it movie, you are Disney. Start sucking, now!

Oh, and yes she does end up hooking up with her friend. Predictable, but works among the film other deep elements.

But that’s not til a little but later. Abby wishes for the best party ever. However, no one knows it’s for her due to some stuff I can’t explain. To make it worse, jay ditches her and things get even worse.

She than heads home in depression .

Geez.

Seriously, watching her get shit on this point is really freaking depressing. Again, no dumb jokes are made. Its only funny if you are sadistic.

Again, sweating through eyes.

Abby eventually finds a loophole through the rules, seeing as how her last wish was a picture of her crush, glued on with gum, which seems to act as a "barrier" between the picture and the rules. She switches the picture for a picture taken that morning of her and wishes she could go back to that morning.

Its less of an anti-climax in context.

Abby's life then goes back to normal, along with some dead wasps in the process. She and Krista reconcile after Krista (the bitch) tells Abby why she hates her. Back in the 3rd grade, Abby and Jay made a pact to be best friends forever, leaving Krista out, though up until that point, Krista and Jay had been best friends

 

So they team  up and abby’s life turns into something that isn’t shitty. Things turn out well ,abby and jay hook up in a quiet subtle moment, and with that, our film ends.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Sorry for but being not  as in depth as I normally am., but hey, let’s cut to  the chase.

This movie is really good. The characters are interesting, they don’t get on your nerves, and the story moves in cool directions, the writers actually gave them good lines!

It has tear jerking moments, it has deep moments, there’s no sugar coating, and  it's even pretty funny.

There’s not much else I can say outside of what I’ve already brought up.

 

Lemonade mouth is the same. Really good and actually entertaining. I have yet to see Radio Rebel but I hear it’s the same deal.
 

Disney is getting their shit together

GRADE: B+