Son of the mask

Hello, Spongey here.

Okay, sometimes the timing of my reviews  are  simply impeccable.

The reasoning for why I do certain reviews varies. Most of the time it’s because I just feel like it.

Last time I reviewed 2002’s The Scorpion King due to Kelly hu’s birthday. But, it just so happened that the rock had a film coming around that same time! Thus, it made my review much more timley.

And today’s review ended up going perfectly with my last one! You see, I saw someone mention this film as his least fave movie ever, so I watched it for reasons I will explain later.

How is that related to my last review?

I mentioned the director of TSK did Jim carrey’s the mask.

So it’s like that someone KNEW that…well he does watch me on dA and is one of the few people who reads this…

So maybe.

So when I was, about 12, and was starting to grow my critic gland, I tuned in to Cartoon Network, and watched a certain film. At the time…I liked it! But then…I found out  it was hated.

For the large part of my life that baffled me.

So the other day, I decided, that I shall watch it again!

Is it as bad as everyone says? It as good as I remember? Let’s find out!

This, is Son of the mask.

Since this movie has little do with the first one, I won’t go into it. In short, It’s great.

So let’s get this show on the road!

The film begins at the edge city museum, where ben stein is giving a tour.

Well that’s promising.

He’s talking about Norse mythology and stuff. He talks about loki, and how he created the mask.  So it’s connected the first film in that happens to have the same mask, and one guy who was in it.

Eh, I can get by that.

He continues to discuss loki as the tourists make lame jokes.

But who would show up but loki himself (Alan cumming, who is no tom hiddelston!). He sports a green face, and really lame effects. He tries to take the mask, but the museums mask is a fake.

He wreaks more havoc on the museum while using lame jokes and lame effects. But he hams it up so I guess it’s cool.

We then cut a to river which has the REAL mask, which Is taken by a dog.

We are then introduced to Tim Avery (GET IT?) played by Jamie Kennedy who was In stuff I don’t care about, and his wife tonya, played by some unknown chick.

They are at some kids birthday party with some dude, who asks tim if he’s gonna have babies of his own.

Instead of showing us the making of the baby, which would make this movie better, we get a lame imagine spot with her giving birth to many babies…with fangs.

Sure, why not.

As it turns out, he fears the idea of having a baby. His wife likes the idea, but he does not. I guess she didn’t tell him that babies=sex.

Oh, and he makes lame jokes at her. Well okay then.

Why is his wife so pissed at him? So he doen’t wanna have a kid, so what? It’s no big deal. Babies are buastards  anyway.

She must be REALLY horny.

Then with the world’s most abrupt transition, we see odin (Bob Hoskins) getting pissed that loki didn’t find the mask.

“Now, find that mask, before I open up a can of Viking on you!”

…really?

Whatever. We cut to the wife.

“If you want anything, I’ll just go make a baby with the neighbor”

…

No comment.

So tim is a cartoonist, but here’s a shocker, he sucks. He wants his own show, and he’s sad, and his wife wants a baby, and he wants his son to think he has a cool enough job.

…that’s it? Seriously?

Your wife wants to fuck you to make a baby but you want a cool job first?

 Lame.

So we learn his current job is a children’s entertainer. Well I can see why he wants a better job.

We also see his best friend, played by kal pen.

Yes, freaking kumar.

So kumar suggests he go up to this big animation guy  (Steven wright) and submit his ideas.

To make a short story shorter, his ideas are bad and he should feel bad.

He needs a Halloween mask and his wife suggests…well THE mask

“No way. This is the crappiest piece of crap in craptown”

You know-for kids!

So he puts on the mask and becomes…insane.

And…well you know how jim carrey’s mask-self was wack and crazy, but was funny because of it?

Imagine that but without…it being funny. Seriously, he pulls lame jokes out of his ass and does everthing carrey already did, but lamer.

He even goes crazy over a hot chick. Which is not only un-funny but unfitting for what’s now a kids movie.

“You better cover up young lady, you might catch a chest cold”

…

Wow.

Then he gets up on the stage…and launches into a rap song.

i…have no words.

This is lamer than lame. The entire song scene is stupid as hell (though it has lots of hot chicks). Even talking about it makes me feel lame.

So he rushes home to his wife.

“Honey, what’s gotten into you?”

“Let’s find out”

…yes, it does cut to the next morning. He fucked her.

You know….oh fuck it.

The next day, everyone at work praises him for being an annoying little cunt..

Daniel moss (that guy) likes his annoying cunt character and of course, now tim wants the mask to help his carrer.

So his wife tells him some news.”

“I might be pregnant”

…

Wonderful.

He had sex while …being that. Seriously, who marketed this as a kids movie?

This leads to a montage showing her 9 month preggo phase, topped with lame jokes I won’t go into.

So the baby is born.

With another lame ass transition, we see that odin is not too pleased that the baby was made. And loki is still looking for that mask. This leads to a lame ass scene where odin hams it up and yells at loki that  he needs to find the baby.

I think we found our formula for this movie: Lame jokes, lame effect, and lame hamming.

If you thought baby dill was a pain in the Rugrats movie, you didn’t see him with magic cartoon powers. Tim is bugged by the babies wild antics, but at this point, he doesn’t know the baby is insane.

Later, Tonya goes on a business trip, leaving Tim with the baby. And even worse, he needs to make a cartoon with the green guy in a week.

You know, if you’re husband refuse to use condoms, just show him this movie. That’ll show him!

Anyway, loki goes around town looking for the baby. This leads to…guess. Just . fucking guess.

Yes, more lame jokes and effects. I can’t properly describe how lame it is. It tries to be over the top cartoony, but it becomes a LAME cartoon in the process.

Back at home, tim calms the baby down by making him watch cartoons. Hey, now we have something n common!

The kid watches that classic cartoon with Michigan J. Frog…which him the idea to use his cartoon powers to do pretty much exactly what the frog did, and land tim in a asylum.

Okay, this is both a good point and a bad point.

On one hand, I think it’s a nice little tribute to classic cartoons, with both this and the dog putting on the mask and using his powers to get rid of the baby. But while the dog part, while stupid, has a okay idea, the frog thing is odd to  me.

Why is the baby suddenly…evil? I mean, in order for us to eventually side with the father/baby relationship at the end of this movie the baby has to be…not an asshole!

Oh and it leads the BABY making lame gags and really horrible effects.

So if you fuck while under the influence of something, your baby will be fucked up. And if you raise your kid on cartoons they while try to hurt you.

Having fun yet kids?

Geez, how far am I into this?

..40 minutes?

God help us all.

Oh, and there is one entertaining gag where the baby beats the shit out of tim. Such a joy.

Oh, and there’s a bit with the dog trying to get rid of the baby, and the baby does evil shit to the dog. Okay, is the baby meant to be horrible? Because I hate him.

The dog tries literally in the next scene, which is another lame scene I can’t  describe.  The idea behind a lot of these gags/scene are okay but the execution is beyond lame. If the effects were smother, and the film would SHUT. THE. FUCK UP. For a second, this might have worked.

The dad tries to change his diaper, which leads to…a piss joke. Keep classy movie.

Loki makes his way to the babies house, finally. But cuz the baby doesn’t wanna do the mask thing in front of others, loki things it’s not the right baby.

Tim finally cracks and yells at the baby that he knows his evil plan, and the keeps fucking with him.

…okay, I’m putting my foot down.

This is not funny. It is not quirky, and it is not charming. It is sick and sadistic! This baby is making him having a mental breakdown! And why? No reason. He’s just evil.

It’s really depressing to watch tim break down and the movie just goes “LOLSOFUNNEH”.

Ick.

Loki does see the baby super puking (yay piss jokes?) and goes after the baby, and tim knows what’s going but doesn’t wanna give up the baby who’s making his life hell. Sure.

But as luck would have it, the baby protects daddy from being hurt by loki. Odin gets really pissed and can’t see that HE HAS THE FUCKING BABY AND DOESN’T USE HE FUCKING POWERS TO SEE IT. So thus., he takes loki’s powers away, thus making him  a non threat.

So the movie’s over.

To sum it u-

…I’m only an hour in?

There’s more?

Help me.

So the movie is trying to say the baby really does like tim. Since he saved him and all.

One good thing VS 30 MIUNUTES OF BAD THINGS.

Movie, this baby is the spawn of satan. Don’t tell us otherwise. It tries to get heartwarming on us, and it feels really forced. They knew we’d hate the baby, so they made him good, despite that fact that it doesn’t work. At all.

Loki is able use a spell he learned (why he doesn’t need his powers to do it, idk) to summon loki and explain the issue. So loki gives him his powers so he can try to get the mask.

One thing I’ve failed to bring up is that movie in a way tries to paint loki as sympathetic. It’s a normal son/father thing, with gods. But…it’s kinda lame. Idk, it feels stupid.

Loki tells tim to meet him with mask in an hour at an alley…and he lampshades how cliché it is.

One point for a funny joke.

So it’s 1 funny joke to…100000 bad ones. Yay.

The wife shows up and tim explains everything. So they go to the dog…who is serenading a female dog. Meh.

Tim apologizes for neglecting the dog for the devil spawn (hey he’s CLEARLY not a baby) in a cliché, weak manner.

Loki also bonds with the kid in a way that starts out actually okay…but turns into more of the same lame effects. Tim shows up and tries to trade mask for baby, but loki refuses cuz grown attached.

So what was gonna be cool turned into something cliché and lame.

Sure, why not.

Tim puts on the mask and uses the power of lame gags to peruse loki.  He and loki then start a big fight…which has more of…well you know by now. To be honest, some bits of are a little cool but punctuated by lame jokes as well.

They deicide they are too evenly matched, so they let the kid decided who he stays with. Tim apologizes to the kid who acting like a bit of a jerk, and he just didn’t know how to handle a baby.

Bull. Fucking bull. He was trying to be an nice father the whole fucking time and the baby gave him hell right from the start. So this sweet scene is a load of shit. The kid clearly should go with loki. But nope, we need a lame moral to push down our throats.’

Tim almost beats loki after he flips out, but as luck would have it, odin shows up to ham it up again.

“You are in every sense of the word, a failure”

Just like this movie!

"As he is about to banish Loki, who says he is done trying to please him, Tim stands up to the powerful god, telling him that no matter how many times he banishes Loki, he will still be his son, and that the most important thing in the universe is the relationship with your family.

Even when family tries to put you in an asylum!

Loki and Odin, now reconciled, return to Asgard with the mask, happy. What was a fine  subplot idea on paper became lame and stupid due to shitty morals.

Tim uses the whole dog/baby idea for his cartoon, which gets him his job. We see the toon which is lame and has bad animation. His wife likes it.

“Such a good show! But you might…need…to add another character.” She points to her belly.

…

i…think that’s enough. As this is where the movie, finally. Ends.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Wow. Just wow.

When I was slightly younger, I liked this, and was baffled people hate it.

11/12 year old me, you’re a fucking idiot.

This movie is …realty bad. While the idea is interesting, and some concepts show promise, it’s bogged down by lame jokes, awful effect, and really botched morals. The film is almost horrifying to watch as it treats this guy’s breakdown like it’s funny, when it Is not.

The acting is also way too hammy to even be so bad it’s good, except maybe odin. It’s way too over the top, and the movie never shuts up. Never. It’s always noise, noise noise! This movie is a waste of acting talent, and everything else.

So what other people think?

Richard Roper-"In the five years I've been co-hosting this show, this is the closest I've ever come to walking out halfway through the film, and now that I look back on the experience, I wish I had.”

I agee. But what did the film’s lead have to think of the critics?

“But the critics don’t know all the things that go into the film. It’s just like I tell them it’s a different movie, it’s a different character. It’s not trying to be the first. And it’s just like hurts my feelings that they’re so rough.”

Make your own comment.

To sum it up, this movie is piss awful. It’s said to be one of the worst ever made. I …agree. Is it as bad the last airbender? I may have to think  about that.

But it’s really fucking close

GRADE: D+