Freddie As FR07

Snakes, Frogs, and Secret agents. Oh My!

Hello, Spongey here.

I’m about to break some news to you:

Other countries make movies too.

No, really!

Okay, let me be more specific. Other countries make animated films. 

There’s a lot of bad obscure animated films that the US cranks out, but the majority of bad obscure animated films come from across the border.

Canada makes GOOD stuff most of the time, so that’s cool. However, any other country is known for cranking out bad animated films.

Italy gave us the Animated titanic trilogy, which have rapping dogs, evil sharks, and an octopus. E-yup!

Germany made The Magic voyage, which is the story of Christopher Columbus with a woodworm voiced by corey Feldman

I’d point out  the odd-ness, but trust me, you’ll see more of it later.

And brazil gives us rip offs of big animated films, big examples being Ratationg (rip off of Ratatouille),  the little cars (Rip off of “Cars”) and more.

Oh, and Denmark actually made a good one called “Help! I’m a fish” which has alan rickman as the bad guy named Joe. Indeed.

But, there is another foreign animated film that’s not horrible. And yes, it is very obscure…and odd.

This, is Freddie as FR07

This film comes from, of all places, BRITAIN. I guess driving on the other side on the road wasn’t odd enough for them.

The film bombed in it’s home country. In fact, it’s one the lowest grossing films EVER. The other two being “Delgo” and “The ten commandments”. Nope, not THAT one, a bad animated one.

Oh, and that actually has relation to this, but I’ll get to that later

In the US it was titled Freddie the frog and severely cut and  they replaced the French narrator from the UK version with….james earl jones.

Fuck, why can’t I find that version?!

Yeah, I just have the UK version. Which is fine since I heard the US one…kinda sucks and makes little sense.

So let’s just jump right in, cuz it’s…odd

The film opens with some nice landscapes and a decent song. And…a frog driving a car. The song is so relaxing, yet that is on screen. the frog goes in his house, and…the film proper starts. There’s no speaking, or anything. The singer sings and we see a frog. That’s it. 

It’s fine to tell the story in flashback but you can least…tell the story!

So our NOT james earl jones tells us our real story. The film proper beings in france with a boy named Fredrick ,who I’ll just call freddie. He and his dad have  magical powers….for whatever reason. His mom is dead (well duh) and instead he has his aunt.

His aunt, Messina, is also magic, but because she’s not a mother, of course she’s EVIIIIL.  One day. She kills Freddie’s dad. Yes, kills him.

You know-for kids!

How? By knocking him off his horse into the ground. What a wimp.

She turns into a snake, which she stays as for the rest of the film.

The narrator starts to  sing the next portion of the tale…then returns to speaking. What? He just…stops? If you’re going to sing, keep singing! What happened?

VOICE ACTOR:  *Singing* …and so messina was to rule, when Fredrick came of age-

DIRECTOR: NO SINGING! I’m paying you to narrate while I try to get james earl jones!

VOICE ACTOR: fine…

So messina turns Freddie into a frog…instead of just killing him like she did daddy. Freddie escapes into the ocean, while Messina chases after him. However he is saved by…..a sea monster. …k.

MESSINA: one day, I shall catch up to you, like I did your father! I will be all powerful, and I will rule the world!

…of course.

So it turns the sea monster is named Nessie, and she’s Scottish. That’s right, it’s the loch ness monster…in france. This movie with a magic chick that turns  a kid into a frog has no logic!

Freddie takes refuge with a group of frogs in a swamp, who perform jazz music. Sure, why not. Freddie tries to blend in, but sadly he can’t quite get it. Oh and the narrator goes back to singing. Guess the director got bored and let him sing.

 He explains that Freddie is  amazing the frogs with his magic. Later, Freddie grows into a giant froggie and the frogs learn he was once human, and they sing a bit. Okay song I guess but why does it take so long to get finished with it? Whatever.

We cut to London, as we join some black crows that frankly make the ones from Dumbo look PC! They bug me. Seriously, the dumbo ones were pretty cool  but these guys are annoying. 

Various british landmarks such as the tower of London start getting stolen by magic forces. This gets to the leader of a spy organization.

LEADER DUDE: we just lost some   of our best men! 005 in Russia, 007 in Hollywood..

…really? James bond?  He…

You know what, screw it, let’s move on.

So he tells us he called the French  secret service, and got their best man, who he has yet to meet. And in comes….Freddie aka FR07. 

He’s a secret agent now.

Even though we weren’t told this, and they never EVER explain hpw he got to be a freaking secret agent. They never address this. And it’s the freaking PREMISE!

Grown up Freddie is voiced by…Ben kingsley.

Yes, the man who was in Schlinder’s list, and Gandhi is now a secret agent frog.

…that’s kinda cool.

Oh, and remember that animated Ten commandments  movie I mentioned that was the 2^nd lowest grossing film? He’s in that too. What.

Freddie heads to get some gadgets and meets another hot female human agent named Daphers.  A robot fly gadget lands…on her boob

FREDDIE: I like the landing area.

again, for kids!

The leader guy shows Freddie their gadget guy named Scotty.

FREDDIE: The powers of the mind, will always overcome violence.

Yep, this is Gandhi alright.

She then says “I don’t have any concealed” weapons while pointing to her boobs. …k.

So they head off in Freddie’s spy car…that can talk and has huge lips.  No, she has no bearing on the plot. She does nothing. 

Whatever.

We spend a little time with our heroes as they try to find the bad guys. This let’s us warm up to them and gives them at least some personality.

A bad guy tries to off him, but Freddie punches him out.

The powers of the mind, will always overcome violence, eh?

We cut to their leader, El Sumpero voiced by Brian Blessed. Yes, him. Look at him and gap in awe as to why he’s in this movie. Messina has teamed up with him. Like most things in this movie, none of this is explained.

 

She laughs evilly..and …..

 

VILLAIN SONG TIME!

 

A funky rock beat starts, and she starts killing her henchmen while now voiced by grace jones. The song has her members dancing, some of which are seen as Nazis, and there are KKK members in the background.

 

…Which is weird because crabs don’t HAVE uvulas.

 

So the film continues on, assuming you didn’t pass out from confusion,. Oh, and I forgot to mention, When Freddie discovers the latest targeted monument is Big Ben, he tells the Brigadier that the target is Windsor Castle so they could go inside Big Ben and they would get taken, and he could infiltrate the enemy base. He did this by disabling their walkie talkies, and now they have no contact.

 

You think I should have pointed that out earlier….but after the KKK members, I forgot everything I ever knew.

 

The gang is miffed…but this is never brought up again. It's a shame since it's the only form of team conflict in this film; it would have been more interesting to see more moments like that.

But anyway, they end up finally meeting their enemy, and Messina reunites with her nephew she oh so hates.

 El Supremo plans to use the buildings, by shrinking them to a size of a trophy and using them as batteries to a giant crystal, which will send a powerful sleeping virus across the world (starting with the UK), which will put people to sleep, allowing him to invade and enslave them.

That’s…actually really cool. If I  ever make a list of awesome underrated villains, these two need to be high up!

So El says he  will…keep daffers for his own amusement while he sends the other to death …..ew.

So the two men are put in a  cage in a water pit thingy, and scotty starts to drown, so in order to keep  him alive down there Freddie says he will…given him the French kiss of life.

k.

(he uses a funnel and blows into it. Don’t ask)

 

So he  uses some special call to call …Nessie to save them. So she IS important Freddie continues to make French kiss jokes….yep, he’s gay. Nessie comes to their rescue, and this does not phase scotty at all.

They leave scotty on an island while Freddie and Nessie go to get help/ They head to nessie’s home, where there are MORE of her….yea the loch noss monster Is a chick….

 

Then they sing and dance. And the song is freaking catchy as hell. Oh, And Freddie dances with Nessie and kisses her. Can this guy just pick a sexual preference and stick with it?!

 

So they have tons of fun partying…while the entire world is in danger/ Nice.

 

Oh, and this entire scene with nessie’s friends, is never mentioned again.

 

Singing Loch Ness Monster Moment!

 

Freddie heads back to scotty then they go rescue daffers, and no I won’t explain it. Then daffers kisses Freddie…

 

Okay, so he’s straight. Glad we got that issue resolved. Oh and scotty seems to like daffers….3 way?

 

Btw daffers was hypnotized and saying “snake shall rule the world”. After Freddie rescues her, they go up to  a bad guy and yell “FREDDIE shall rule the world” and punch him out.

 

…guys, I just found the most awesome thing to yell while punching someone.

Seriously, next time you have to punch someone, either jokingly or for real, just yell it. It’ll be awesome.

 

They start kicking ass while a pretty awesome song by some band called Asia plays called “put down your arms”. This is  a fairly cool scene here. Fun fact, there IS  a soundtrack for this movie…though it’s really rare.

 

The song plays a couple more times during the next few fight bits, but eh I’m okay since the song is so good. El pulls his sword on Freddie, but Freddie uses those good ol magic powers to kick his ass…

Wait why didn’t Freddie just use his powers this whole time?

And why don’t crabs have uvulas?

 

You know…why does Messina even need to be here? El seems to be calling the shots, and he’s more of a threat than her. And he’s brian blessed while she’s….not. but eh, I’ll roll with it.

 

Freddie then pushes the shrunk big ben under El, and makes it big thus giving him the ultimate wedgie. As odd as Freddie as, he’s kind of cool sometimes.

 

So it seems like the day is saved…until messina decides to actually be important. Messina tries to turn into some animals to kill Freddie. But he uses his mind control to transform Messina into a buzzard and she flees.

Lame.

 

oh,, and it turns out a guy in the british agency was a spy. Does this have anything to do with anything?

Pickles.

 

So they get the monuments back, Freddie gets some sugar, and he is called to Washington for his next mission. and thus,we have…

 

THE END.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

 

This movie is…weird. It’s strange, it makes little sense, and some scenes come out of nowhere and…

 

I love it.

 

The animation is actually pretty decent for it’s budget, the characters, while not that developed, are likable, and the story has those little touches that are cool.

However, it’s so bad it’s good. It’s stupid, but man is it awesomely fun. You can tell they had fun with this film, especially the voice actors. If I ever meet ben kingsly, I will ask him if this movie is still on his mind.

Oh, and the soundtrack kicks ass. The best song being the villain song. It’s great They actually were already planning a sequel to this, but scrapped it due to it bombing. That’s sad, cuz I’d like to  see a sequel to this.

To this day this movie has yet to see a DVD release  in the US, or even the UK. I want this movie on blu ray, who’s with me?!

The film has stuff that makesit  actually decent while also enjoyably bad as well. It’s one of the oddest, yet most fun films I’ve seen in years.

The entire UK cut is on youtube if you wish to see it,. And it’s well worth your time,. If you bring a few buddies over to riff on it.

 

GRADE: B for Bad yet awesome

 

This is spongey saying,  chickens are people too!