Hello, Spongey here.
So, this is kind of a weird thing for me to do. You see, today is the 7th anniversary of a movie I like. Normally, I wouldn ‘t care. I would just say “cool story bro” and go on. I usually review movies when I want to, or if a sequel comes out. But with this movie, I simply must.
Of course, that movie is…
The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie.
This movie is a huge part of my childhood, and me in general. It stands for everything I am now, and everything I love about SpongeBob, film, and animation in general.
Okay, maybe it’s not THAT epic, but it’s still a great movie to me.
Anyway, this one of the sadly few movies I’ve seen in theatres. I saw in thanksgiving, to make things better. I loved it then, and I’ve seen 20 times since,
No, I counted. I saw it 20 times. I stopped counting at 20, and I’ve seen a few more times. The count may be 30 now. I also bought the soundtrack, and this weird comic adaptation. I lost both,.
Don’t worry, I used itunes to get the soundtrack on my mp3player.
First of all, let’s talk about the years leading up to the movie. In very earl 2004, Spongebob was in its 3rd season, and the height of its popularity. At this point, there were many rumors of the show ending. Of course, I was quite young, so I believed them. It was said that the season 3 finale: Spongebob Meets the strangler/Pranks a lot would be the series finale.
Of course, it all turned out to be 100% shit. Then…they announced the movie. Every fan was super hyped as all hell. You couldn’t imagine the insane hype it had. There were posters, commercials. A NASCAR race named after it, and of course Burger king toys.
The early trailers didn’t really say the plot. Infact, it was awhile before we even KNEW the plot. This was a great way of building up mystery, like they did with the simpsons movie.
So yea, then it finally came out on November 19th, 2004. A few days later, I finally saw it.
Normally, I would analyze this movie and discuss every aspect of it, and talk about it’s moral….but I don’t have much time so we’ll only talk about the basics.
The plot follows Spongebob, (Voiced by Tom Kenny) as he is excited. Why? Today Is the grand opening of the Krusty Krab 2. Why is there a krusty krab 2?
MR KRABS; Money!
Of course. Anyway, since Mr Krabs could never manage both of them, he’s appointing a manger for the KK 2. SpongeBob thinks he’ll get it. No, he doesn’t think, he pretty is CONVICNED he will the manager. He even plans a party for that night.
From that, you might think that SB is being a cocky jerk who thinks he knows everything. But, that’s not the case. He knows he’s the best worker, and he’s so excited about the possibility, he’s convinced it will happen. Sort of like a little kid who wants a Christmas gift, and their parents simply said “maybe”.
So after all that…he doesn’t get it. Squidward (Roger Bumpass) does. Even though he’s a lazy fuck. Why? SB’s just a kid. Well, he acts one anyway. He’s obviously an adult. But that’s the joke…and I ruined it.
SB goes emo and drowns his sorrows at a local place called Goofy Goobers. After parick (Bill Faggerbake) shows up, they eat tons of ice cream, and start acting tipsy, and they wake up in the morning with a big headache,
…Yes, they basically got drunk.
You know-for kids!
Anyway, before that scene, we run into the movies villain: Plankton. He’s mad because all his plans so far have failed. All of them, from A-Y. Yes, a to Y. His computer wife, Karen reminds him of the last letter. Plankton hadn’t seen his file for plan Z (even though I assume he WROTE it…whatever), so he checks it out. He likes it, and decides to use it.
We then meet King Neptune. It’s here where I have to explain something that confused some fans. You see, in the show, Neptune was the god of the sea. He only showed up (at the time) in the episode “Neptune’s Spatula) where we learned all this. So when he was a king in the movie, people were confused. It didn’t help that God! Neptune was voiced by John o Hurley, and King!Neptune is Jeffery Tambor.
Here’s my explanation: King Neptune and God Neptune are two different characters. The one in the show is the real Neptune, and the movie Neptune is a king who was named after him. There you go.
His daughter is princess mindy (Voiced by Scarlett Johansen) and she’s not happy, because Neptune keeps executing people. Also, he gets pissed often cuz he’s bald.
NEPTUNE; THINNING!
Okay, fine.
So, he uses his crown to cover his…thinning spot. And of course, plankton steals it. Neptune shows up to the KK, as he thinks Mr krabs took it…because plankton forged a note saying mr k did it. We find out the crown is now in a place called Shell city, which is very dangerous.
Spongebob shows up and stands up Mr Krabs, even after what happened. Neptune decides to freeze Mr Krabs, and gives Spongebob and Patrick 6 days to get the crown back or he will….get rid of mr k.
So they do on an epic adventure with mermaid magic, patty cars, and a hitman named Dennis that plankton hired. (Voiced by Alec Baldwin).
So much happens that I won’t sum all that up, so I’ll skip to the best part of the movie/.\
After they run into Dennis, a big boot stomps on him, saving them all. But, the boot belongs to a Cyclops (really a scuba diver) who takes them up on land. He takes them to a shop where he turn fish into smelly knick knacks.
Now, here comes …a really interesting scene, which had a big impact on me in the theater.
They are put under a big lamp, to be dried up. It looks like this is the end. They never made it to shell city. But Patrick looks at the sign for a shop and it reads…SHELL CITY. Yes, they made it after all! And the crown is right there!
But sadly, it’s too late, and there’s no way out. They’re happy that they at least made after all. So, they sing…the goofy goober sing, but this time, it’s slow..and sad. They dry up, as they sing…and die…
And shed a single tear.
…
I’m not crying, I’m just sweating through my eyes.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, the movie opens with a bunch of pirates getting tickets to this movie, and they sit down, and then the movie proper opens.
They don’t show up again…until right when they die…and they are crying.
…Okay, now I am crying.
Anyway, their tears turn into a heart….still crying, and it runs down a eltrical cord, and hits the socket, turning on the sprinklers, saving them.
Yay.
So they escape, but it seems like they have no way to get home. Then they are saved by…
DAVID. HASSELHOFF.
Fuck yes.
So then he takes them back to their city…by acting as motor boat.
Again, fuck yes.
And after a final confrontation with Dennis, they end up back at Bikini Bottom,. Just in time to give Neptune his crown, and save the day.
Oh, and btw, plankton stole the formula, made krabby patties, and used bucket helemts to mind control everyone. Pretty epic.
But suddenly, plankton shows up, and puts a giant helmet on Neptune, thus taking him over.
So it looks like things are over for good, but Spongebob breaks into a speech about what he’s learned: Just because you’re a kid, doesn’t mean you can’t do anything. And some other stuff, idk. Spongeob said it better.
Then….he rocks out with a rock version of the goofy goober song, complete with epic guitar, a spoof of I wanna rock, and a use of the word “freakin”/
It’s epic on screen, trust me.
So SB saves the day with the POWER OF ROCK, plankton is thrown and jail, and Spongebob is made manage of the KK2. .
So that’s the entire plot.
To summarize, I love this movie. The animation is great, it’s funny as hell, the story is well done, and it’s epic as a film, but as genuine as the show. I won’t go on about the songs, or characters, since this blog is long enough.
The Spongebob means a lot to me, as a cartoon fan, and especially as a Spongebob fan. Sure, you may not like the post movie episodes, but the movie itself was a fitting end to the series, even if tons of loose ends are there.
If I were to give it a rating, it’d be a total 10/10, on a personal level. On a critical level, just a normal 9/10.
So, see ya.
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