Top 11 Worst Goosebumps Books

Hello, Spongey here.

It’s October, and that means it’s close to HALLOWEEN! So all month long I’ll post some truly scary stuff. Today we shall venture into the topic we’ve only touched upon:

Goosebumps.

I love this series so much, especially since I don’t take it seriously. But I have to draw the line somewhere. Some things are so bad, so stupid, so horribly done that you have to put your foot down .there are 62 books in the original series, and only half of them were good.,

The rest….were not so good. So many books tipped the crap scale that I had to make a list. And with RL Stine’s birthday being today, why not celebrate in TRUE fashion…

This is the top 11 WORST Goosebumps books.

11. Deep Trouble 2

Be warned, this will not be the last sequel on the list.

Let me refresh you on Deep Trouble 1 first.

There are these 2 kids, Billy and Sheena. They’re visiting their uncle boat for the summer, but they discover he and his scientist friends are trying to find…a mermaid. Billy is the worst spy ever, so the uncle catches him and makes him promise not to tell anyone. Billy is attacked by a shark later, and gets saved by a mermaid (Boy, that’s embarrassing) and they capture her and long story short they gotta save her from The uncle’sassistant who was working for this bad guy the whole time.

Despite that summary, it was a pretty good book. It was a nice old fashioned adventure. But did it really need a sequel? No.

In this sequel, they are on the boat once again, when they are attacked by giant fish. Then a giant snail, then 2 giant jellyfish. They find out this new bad guy made a thing that makes fish big and since they saw it, they can’t live to tell the tale. Thankfully, they escape and guess what this is 60 pages in.

Now you see the main problem with this book: it moves way too fast. The plot only comes in halfway through the book, and even then it’s not much of a plot. Not much really happens though, and not much makes sense. Everything that made the first one good is stripped down to the bare basics.

But…it’s kind of entertaining. Don’t get me wrong, it’s bad. But…it’s so bad it’s good. The fast pace is sort of fun, and I really like some of the giant fish, especially the part with the jellyfish.

But as fun as that is, the rushed plot, and the bland story really detract from my enjoyment of this book. It’s a stupid crappy book that doesn’t have much to offer.

Oh, and there’s a recent 3^rd one called Creep From the deep…THAT RECONS THIS ONE./ That’s right, it acts as if this one never happened. They even refer to the events of the first one as happening last summer.

Even The author was ashamed.

I put this at the bottom of the list, because it’s just a stupid story, nothing that hurts my brain or anything. But I can’t say the same for the next books on my list.

Deep Trouble 2, you’ll be in deep trouble in you read it.

10. Bad Hare Day

Most Goosebumps are bad because they are just plain stupid, or badly written. They are still interesting to an extent, and things happen that catch your interest, even if it sucks,.

This book is a different story. Nothing is worse than a book that is not only bad, but also boring. And boy is this boy BORRRRRING. And just plain uninteresting.

Tim is a boy who likes magic, and his favorite magician, is having a magic show. Sadly, it’s a school night so he cannot attend. He sneaks in anyway, and finds out Amaz-o is an asshole so he steals his magic bag and takes it home. This is halfway through the book.

I’m sensing a pattern here.

The rest of the book Is him dicking around with the bad and doing boring stuff. My god, not only is this boring, it’s also not INTERESTING AT ALL! Not much really happens that’s scary or cool in the least.

But then the last 20 pages come in…I’ll tell you.

Tim’s sister eats a carrot from the bad and turns into a rabbit. That’s the good part. They go to Amaz-o and find out he’s…a puppet. The body of amaz-o, that Tim previously touched and saw on stage, is a puppet.

What.

Amaz-o is actually a rabbit that becomes one due to some evil guy so he uses the puppet to do stuff. How he controls it, is unknown.

As well as how THAT’S EVEN FUCKING POSSIBLE. I mean seriously, nothing in this book makes any logical sense!

But…i do like the ending. But I won’t spoil it.

This book is just bland. The plot is stupid, nothing really happens, and the characters are either stupid or bland. But some of the concepts are okay, and I like the ending.

Other than that, this was a lousy trick.

9. A Shocker on Shock Street

Oh, here we go.

Erin and Marty are invited by Erin’s father to test the new studio tour thing he is working on (He does effects for movies, and amusement park stuff) and it’s for this movie series called shock street.

Oh, and one bit I like, the title is an elm street reference. (One of fictional film titles in the book is even “A Nightmare on shock street”)

They go on this tour, but the car breaks down, and they get out and…stuff happens

That\s the important plot stuff.

No, really.

For this list, I have to explain the plot, not the full story. That’s the plot.

This book, is nothing, but running around and doing pointless shit that has no explanation at all. I can’t really talk much about this book simply because I’d be spoiler most of it.

This was Book 35, and it started a trend we’ve noticed. The trend of not having a real story, but a thing plot with random bullshit happening for a thin reason. It was this book that ruined the series, though “The Horror of camp jellyjam” (which was bad, but not horrible) played a part as well.

But unlike Deep Trouble 2, it’s not really entertain, as it really doesn’t explain what’s going on, and it’s not much of a mystery. But the question is:: Is the payoff good?

Well, here’s the twist ending:

After tons of shit, Marty dies (You know-for kids!) and Erin runs into her father. Then, as soon as she goes batshit insane…he shuts her off. She and marty are robots..

Yes.

That has to be one of the biggest cop outs in literature history. RL Stine could not think of any possible reason that this is happening. He came up with random shit and couldn’t think of a reason so robots.

The Tv show episode version is actually decent and the robot thing has a twist ON TOP of it. I won’t spoil it…

So, A shocker on Shock Street? More like a Shocker on Shit Street.

8. . Legend of the lost legend

Now we’re getting into the “good” stuff.

Two kids who are so bland I forgot the name, are with their Dad in the forest because he’s a story collector or some shit, and they are looking for the lost legend, which says...something no knows, which Is why they are looking for it.

The kids…aren’t very resourceful. Let me prove it with the best part of this entire book.

KID: We couldn’t find any fire wood.

DAD: How about on the ground?

OWNED

Anyway, so that night, this dog shows up with a note tied to it’s collar reading “Follow Silverdog”

Silverdog. Never mind, this is the best book ever.

Okay, moving on. They do so and end up in a cabin where they talk to Inga, who is a Viking.

Yes.

She says she knows what they are looking for, and they need to do a test to get it. We assume this is the lost legend.

They wake up in a forest where they run into fake trees and robot mice.

I am completely sober, I assure you.

Much like the last book, this is just a bunch of random events tied together. Only for this one, it’s much worse. At least the others have some sort of concrete plot, and something interesting. Legend of the lost legend is just...plain bad.

There is little to no plot or story progression in the least. Nothing is earned or gained through the experience, for the characters, or readers. But…the ending is funny.

At the end, they find out Inga is a living wind up doll thingy (Still sober) and this wolf dude (Not a drop on me, I swear) gives them their reward…an egg.

Yes, he thought they wanted this egg thing, and not the legend. Making this whole book…

ENTRIELY POINTLESS

Oh, and the ending? I…have no words for it. Just look up Blogger Beware’s recap of this book to know more. I already feel dirty for talking about this book even a little bit.

Legend of the lost legend should have stayed lost.

7. Monster Blood 2

I won’t be talking about this one too much, as it’s hard to talk about that bad-ness this one has.

The first Monster Blood was…okay. Not horrible, but not great either. There’s this kind named Evan, also known as the single most annoying character in literature history. He is paired with Andy, who is a girl, and the best Goosebumps character ever. They find this stuff called Monster Blood, which is green, sticky and it grows. Oh, and if you eat it, you grow to.

Look up the rest of the plot if you want/

The sequel takes place a few months later. Evan moves to a new place, and you expect him to shut up about the Monster Blood stuff, as no one would believe him, and they would beat him up for being stupid. That is where you are wrong.

Yes, he tells everyone about it, and he literarly says that he thought they would believe him and it awesome.

That sounds like something out of a Goosebumps spoof, but here it is, in a real Goosebumps book. Wow.

Andy makes fun of him for this. Seriously, Andy’s awesome. Yes, Evan does get beat up a bully. His name is Conan. Yes, I do read his dialogues in Arnold’s voice.

So then we get pointless scenes and plot threads that go nowhere. The “best”, being Conan stealing the monster blood, then the two kids breaking into his house to get it back.

No, really. They commit an illegal act to get the blood back. They don’t get caught, and they get the MB back. It’s worse then I make it sound.

Anyway, so the main issue with this book is….that it’s stupid.

Every scene is filled with stupid. Stupid characters, doing stupid things, under a stupid plot. And when the monster blood makes a hamster giant, it gets worse. That should be awesome!

(INVADER ZIM DID IT BETTER)

It’s hard to describe. The original at least took itself seriously somewhat but this…is crap.

Bottom line, Monster Blood 2,…just sucks,.

Ran out of puns already

6. Revenge of The living Dummy

I’m cheating with this one, as it’s from the recent Goosebumps Horrorland series. But it’s still Goosebumps, and it still suuuuucks. Every book so far has been just stupid or weird. They didn’t have a real story line or anything. But now we’re getting into the bad ones. The ones that DO have plot. They DO have storylines.That makes these books even worse.

In 2008, after several years without Goosebumps, RL Stine announced he was working on a new GB series, called Goosebumps hororland. Look it up for full info

The series,…is really good. Especially the last book of Arc1, which we’ve discussed before. However, when I read this one for the first time, I felt like I just waited all this time for a buffalo to take a crap on me.

We all know about slappy, right? He and the “Night of the living dummy” books have been popular for years. I’ve liked all the slappy books (Expect for 3, and Bride of the living dummy, though the Tv show episodes were good), so a new one sounded great.

The plot of this one is as follows:” There’s this chick named Brittany who’s cousin Ethan comes over, with…Slappy! (Though he’s called Mr Badboy for most of the book) and soon he causes trouble, and Britney is blamed for it all. That sounds pretty promising. For once, someone else owns slappy, and we focus on another person, who’s blamed for it. The Series 2000 book, Slappy’s Nightmare, did something similar, only it focused on slappy..

But, it’s put right to shit. This book may not seem bad from what I’ve said, but it’s the little things that make this book such a turd.

For one thing, Britney…is kind of a sue. Until about half way through the book, she talks about being real good with friends, she talks about liking everyone , not much seems to bug her (sans Ethan), and she just reeks of…sue. Maybe it’s just me.

But she’s also a huge dumbass, so that balances things out. For example, we learn she has some boy band poster, and a painting she dead of her now dead dog. Slappy presumably tear the poster, and messes up the painting. She is freaked out and tells her parents, who of course don’t believe her. But get this …SHE ONLY MENTIONS THE POSTER, SO THEY ASSUME IT JUST FELL.

Seriously, this is what happens. She doesn’t mention the PAINTING OF THE DEAD DOG, which is more important. Even worse, they never think that maybe Ethan did it.

There’s another scene where Ethan puts slappy next to brit at the dinner table, and he is on the other side.Slappy starts making jokes,…and Brit laughs and she gets in trouble for being loud,.

Uh…hey guys? Did you just hear THE PUPPET TALKING WIHTOUT ANYONE CONTROLING IT?!

There’s tons of scenes like this. I won’t even go into the retirement home scene..

But, there’s one thing that just…angers me. It’s a major spoiler, so skip this next Paragraph until you see the signal.

Her friend molly’s dad has this attic full of creep stuff and files on strange stuff…including slappy. (This is where she learns his real name). They learn that you just need to recite the phrase that brought him to life to kill him. (Though they tried that in another slappy book and it didn’t work out) so they head home to say those words…but then they find a remote…which makes him say the stuff he’s said earlier. As it turns out, slappy was never alive. Ethan made a remote to do all this..

WHAT THE-

*WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES*

Sorry about that. You can figure out for yourself why that’s such a wall banger

SPOILERS OVER

Overall, this was a horrible start to the series. Thankfully, the next Slappy Book, Slappy New Year, was fairly decent. The next one, due out next year, is called Son of Slappy.

RL Stine, I love you.

5. The Haunted Mask II

Yay, another Sequel!

The original haunted mask is one the best, and most popular Goosebumps books of all time. OF ALL TIME.

In the first book, we met Carly Beth. She’s made fun of for being a scardey cat, especially by these 2 kids named chuck and Steve . So on Halloween, she goes to a new Halloween store to buy a mask to scare people with. Sadly, the mask she chooses is actually a face that was made by the shopkeeper years ago, and now whoever wears it will infected by the haunted mask, and turned evil.

It was a really creepy book, and you did sympathize with carly beth. And since the book had a twist ending, It was open for a sequel. It could have been a great book that builds on the first by bringing new concepts to the table.

Instead…it was this.

The first problem, is the main character: Steve. Yes, Carly Beth is no longer the focus. Now, it’s about the asshole who pretty much started this whole mess. Yea, I can sympathize with that

Steve isn’t as much of an ass this time around, but he’s not very likeable at all.

So anyway, Steve is being forced to coach this 1^st grade soccer team as punishment for letting a squirrel loose in the locker room, as told to by chuck.

I totally want to spend 100+ pages with this guy.

The kids piss him off, so later on he asks Carly beth (who’s brave now) to tell him the location of the store, after some persuading, she does so. Steve and Chuck head there, only to find out it’s out of business. But being the lovable characters they are, they break in. When the shopkeeper, who lives there by the way, sees them, chuck makes a run for it while Steve is caught. Chuck sucks. (RHYME)

But steve sneaks away with a new mask, of an old man, in hand. He puts it on, and very quickly it makes him old.

This is hallway through the book. The rest is him fumbling around, and on Halloween he goes out, scares people, and tries to get Carly Beth to help find a symbol love, which is what stopped the original haunted mask. I’m serious, nothing all that spooky happens.

There’s no real suspense, and most of it is re-hashing stuff from the first book. It’d boring, and not good at all.

Oh, and there’s not much of a resolution. (These books are 20 years old, so I’ll spoil whatever I want to. Number 6 was recent, so I put the warning). They head to the shop, where the shopkeep is not for some reason. They find a costume that seems to fit with steve’s mask , the mask jumps off steve, and onto the costume, and the new being runs off into the night.

Yes, I’m still sober. Oh, then they head home ignoring the monster they just unleashed. What idiots.

This is such a piss poor sequel. Steve is a dick, the plot is thing, the story is weak, and it’s reallt stupid,. Oh, and the new “Scream of the haunted mask”? Great, and much like Creep From the deep, it ignore the existence of the last book.

Even RL Stine knew this book sucked.

The Haunted Mask 2, unlike CarlyBeth in the first one, is the same inside and outside: shit.

4. Go Eat Worms

Zzzzzzzz..

Huh? Oh sorry, even thinking about this one puts me to sleep.

There’s this kid named Todd who likes worms. And he like enters some worm project in the science fair, and there’s this sister, and some rich douchebag who also does a worm thing…

And…Sorry, this book is hard to describe…NOTHING. FREAKING. HAPPENS.

For the first 60 or so pages, there’s no story happening. We have stuff happening, but there’s no interesting story. It’s just…boring. This book isn’t very long, or complex. It just feels like that, because of all the pointless plot lines that go nowhere.

I swear, if you read this book, you’ll be wondering where the real plot is. I’m honestly bored typing this, but I’ll press on.

Anyway, then Todd cuts a worm in half, and his sister warns him, jokingly, that now the worms will want revenge. And yes, that is what happens. The plot has kicked in and…now worms pop up in places that normally don’t have worms.

I’m so scared, eeeeeeekkk.

Even when the plot kicks in, it’s boring. Just worms popping up. Zzzzzzz…

Anyway, here’s more spoilers but really, does it matter at this point?

After apologizing (Yes) to the worms, he finds out that…it was all just a prink by his sister. MAKING THIS BOOK ENTIRELY POINTLESS.

Oh, THEN something happens: A giant worm attacks…but then sister shows up with this paper Mache bird and it gets scared. When your sister saves your ass from a giant worm, you know you suck.

And there’s a twist ending so stupid, even saying it will make you rage.

So bottom line, taking the titls advice would be a better idea then reading Go eat worms.

3. Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes\

Do I need to say more?

2. Monster Blood 4

Oh Goody, ANOTHER SEQUEL!

Oh, and two books from the same mini-series on this list? Joy.

I don’t know what it is with the monster Blood series. The odd number ones are okay to read, but the even ones are awful…

Whoa, it’s like the opposite of the star trek movie rule.

Anyway, this time around, Evan is staying at his Cousin Kermit (Make your own joke)’s house for the weekend. Andy shows up with some new monster blood she found in a dumpster behind a science lab.

Because stealing weird stuff from a dumpster is safe, right?

Oh, and this time the monster blood is blue. Yes, there’s different kinds of monster blood. But wait, wasn’t Monster Blood just a substance made by the witch Sara Beth? Or was it a regular toy that she cursed? It’s never explained, and apparently this stuff can be found in Germany according to Monster Blood 2.

They soon find out this version of the stuff doesn’t make things grow. Instead it turns it little monsters which multiply when exposed to water. They never say what happens if you feed them after midnight though.

So for the rest of the book they try to stop the monsters. This seems it could a cool little Monster on the loose story. Sadly they stay in a rather closed area for most it, and it’s nor very interesting.

What makes this book so bad, is just how it somehow combines all the series bad quality’s into one. Dumbass characters, annoying characters, pacing that’s too fast, pacing that’s too slow, not enough plot lines, too many plotlines, and so on.

Oh, and the ending? Just read:

They get rid of the monsters (long story), then a scientist shows up. He explains that the blue stuff is something he made. He was trying to make an underwater fighting force in the form of blue goop. He threw it away, and andy found it.

No, that’s really what happens. This whole time, it wasn’t Monster Blood. And not only that, it was really the STUPIDEST THING EVER WRITTEN

The kicker? THIS WAS THE LAST BOOK IN THE ORGINAL SERIES.

Yes, after 61 books of ups and downs, Stine wrote this, as a big kick in the balls. Thank for Series 2000, which ended with a bang.

This book is just plain crap. A horrible way to end the seires.

Monster Blood 4…it sucks

And the Number one worst Goosebumps book is…

1. 1. My Best Friend is Invisible

Okay, instead of doing an intro like I did with the others, let’s jump in

There’s this kid named Sammy, who believes in ghosts and crap. This doesn’t please his parents and brother, who are scientists, and scientist in training. But one day an invisible kid named Brent shows up in his room and wants to be his friend. But of course, this becomes a load of trouble.

I would complain about the lack of explanation of where Brent came from, but even Brent doesn’t know, and that’s part of the mystery.

The main issue with this book, for the most part, is the characters. Sammy’s parents are assholes who have no idea how to raise a child. They don’t do much in the book to help him or anything. Sammy’s brother, Simon barely acts human. The strange little brother crud is one thing, but he just acts weird, and he’s more of an ass then an annoying little bro should be.

Sammy also has this friend, Roxanne and…I wonder how the hell they’re friends. She’s not nice, she makes fun of him, and when he starts going crazy about brent, she tells the whole school!

What a bitch.

For most the book, every character, even Sammy a bit, is grating, and no one does a single likeable thing. This is one extraordinarily obnoxious book where nothing happens, every character is grating, and the final twist makes absolutely no sense,

Oh, wanna know the twist?

Sammy's parents announce that his erratic behavior has caused them to set up an appointment with a mental institution for their son. Before he can be taken away though, Sammy grabs this flashlight his parents made that can make invisible things…visible.

He shines it on brent revealing…A HIDEOUS MONSTER. Brent reveals that his mother made him invisible so it would be easier for him to make friends.

Sammy and his family can't figure out how Brent can survive with only one head, two eyes, and two short arms that aren't even long enough to wrap around his body. They can't stop being disgusted at how he has hair on top of his head instead of suction-cupped tentacles. Sammy's father explains that this creature is a human and its their duty to call the zoo, as humans are an endangered species

No, I’m not joking. That’s how it ends.

This ending turns this broke from terrible to BIGGEST PIECE OF CRAP I’VE EVER READ.

The very simple reason why this book is so bad is because it displays utter contempt for its audience, to a degree extraordinary for even a Goosebumps book. The twist ending doesn't come out of left field, it comes from NOWHERE AT ALL. These are aliens who dress like humans, eat like humans (including the name-brand Frosted Flakes and Corn Pops cereals), keep cats as pets, have English first names, run track meets, have stuck-up librarians, and do Math in school. Hell, Sammy has a YANKEES jacket, for Christ's sake.

This book is just shit, and the ending makes it worse. This is more than shit. This is the equivalent of shit taking a shit.

My Best friend is invisible. Should of stayed invisible.